Growing up I was often teased by my peers. To them I was horribly unattractive and they didn't hesitate to make their opinion of me known--DAILY.
As the years passed I continued viewing myself through their eyes, unable to see the beautiful person that lived in my skin. I couldn't see my own beauty because I was replaying those same criticisms in my mind as an adult. How could I let something that happened over 30 years ago continue to resonate with me and distort the image of the person in the mirror? Distort is a good word here. When I looked in the mirror I saw someone hideous, ugly, fat, too tall, frizzy hair, and horribly awkward. These are the things they told me. The sad part was that I believed them!
It wasn't until later in life, not so long ago that I became aware of my "self-talk." What a wake up! I was still replaying those same words in my head. I realized how I was still giving credit to those people who told me I wasn't good enough. The next thing to happen was fantastic! I pulled out pictures of myself from my childhood. "What was wrong with those people?!" was the first thing to come to mind. I was a sweet, beautiful young lady. It suddenly occurred to me that those people who hurt me were hurting too. Who knows what they were going through at home. For the first time in my life I felt empathy for those "meanies."
Now when I look in the mirror, I see myself though the eyes of compassion and love. When I notice myself being too hard or negative I pause and ask myself, "Whose words are you speaking right now?" Then I take a moment to be kind to myself and feel gratitude for the tests that are presented to me. These tests are uncovering my truths. They are opening the old wounds to be cleansed and filled with love.
So maybe, just maybe, all the painful words were absolutely necessary to my transformation into the person I am now--to who I am becoming.
For this I say thanks!